“There are often times, O God, when I feel alone, and yet I know in my heart that I am never alone. You are always there waiting for me to speak to You of my desires, hopes and dreams.
Yet how seldom do I reach out to You to voice my gratitude for all that is beautiful in my life…all the gifts of my life. Love, family, friendship have come from You.
But the greatest gift of all is Your presence, which time and again has given me strength, faith and courage.
Now, in the midst of doubt and confusion, I need to know that You are beside me in the depth of my being. With You there, I know I am not alone-ever.
My Friend, my strength, my God.” ~ from Gates of Healing
I have struggled with this prayer, as I have with some others, since Rabbi Pam gave me the book Gates of Healing after my mother’s death. In meeting with her this week, we talked about interpretations, finding my own meanings in the prayers I have chosen, or were chosen for me, to say. She talked of how the great Rabbi’s of the past have “riffed” on passages, giving them context to the situations of their lives at that time.
One thing she said, when I confessed my confusion of still not finding the belief so deeply in God as others around me: look as God within the faces/presence of those who surround me, who offer me love and caring and goodness of their hearts. Not as an abstract, but placed before me in the people who are here. It took me off to the side, examining her words, and this prayer came to mind, and has been very strong the last few mornings.
What has given me strength, faith and courage in the midst of all that I’ve gone through are those loved ones, friends and family, known or internet only known, who have been there for me. If, as she says, God shows his presence, then yes, God has, time and again, given me that greatest gift.
This, by the way, was not the interpretation we discussed. I’ll save that for another post, as I’m still mulling it over, and want to pull my thoughts and feelings together.
Today is a snow day, as we are awaiting a blizzard of EPIC proportions (epic is for the newscasters who are predicting doom and gloom). I’ll be home, alone (hence the title of this piece), writing, sending out resumes, reading, and contemplating things, and at times, just watching the snow come down.
When you can sit back and just watch it fall
It drifts, blows, gathers
And the silence it brings,
The clean coat covering,
The softness spreads out before you.