Category Archives: Uncategorized

The Mourning Year

Today will be the last for The Opening of Doors.

My mother passed away just over a year ago, and one week passed I held the “unveiling” of her headstone. It was a small gathering of seven around the graveside and then back to the apartment for lunch and talking…all, too soon over. This marks an official time of mourning, but when do we ever really stop? The degree might lessen, but…

It has been five months since I last wrote anything for this, or just about any, blog. I honestly have not felt the need, urge, compulsion or inspiration to put finger to key pad. I don’t feel it now, but I know it is time to put this blog to rest as well.

Thank you one and all who have read along, shared, and supported. I wish you all well.

 

 

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Moving Forward, or Moving On?

moveThere is so much to consider when you are struggling to find a full time job. First is: what do you really want to do? Then comes qualifications, experience, training, etc. Then, what else can you do? What are you willing to do to make not just ends meet but to thrive, even a little bit? Is what you want &/or can do available in your area? Is it time to move on? How long do you persevere when you are not getting an offer?

All of these questions pepper my thoughts on a daily basis.

Where the American system is failing is in education and re-training. With so many adults out of work, or dealing with multiple part time jobs, companies are not looking for people to “think outside of the box” as much as they used to. I’ve been told this by job help specialists. Yet, in many cases, if you don’t push the boundaries, then what options are left open?

If a field is deleting your type of job, you’ve got hundreds if not thousands (depending on the area you live) that are searching for the same job. What makes YOU stand out from all the rest?

I’ve been “one of two” or “one of the top” candidates for way too many jobs I’ve applied to. Without an actual offer of the position, that is hollow. It’s easy for people who work already to see the other side of it, the positive that you made it that far. Without that steady income and benefits: not so much.

So…what do you do?

 

Day 42 – Malchut of Yesod: Nobility in Bonding

Bonding must enhance a person’s sovereignty. It should nurture and strengthen your own dignity and the dignity of the one you bond with. Does my bonding inhibit the expression of my personality and qualities? Does it overwhelm the one I bond with?

Exercise for the day: Emphasize and highlight the strengths of the one with whom you bond.
Excerpt from The Spiritual Guide to Counting the Omer, by Simon Jacobson. ©Copyright The Meaningful Life Center, 2013. All rights reserved. www.meaningfullife.com.

What Good Cause Will You Join In Today?

Day 32 – Netzach of Hod: Endurance in Humility

Examine the strength and endurance of your humility. Does my humility withstand challenges? Am I firm in my positions or do I waffle in the name of humility? Humility and modesty should not cause one to feel weak and insecure. Netzach of Hod underscores the fact that true humility does not make you into a “doormat” for others to step on; on the contrary, humility gives you enduring strength. Is my humility perceived as  weakness? Does that cause others to take advantage of me?

Exercise for the day: Demonstrate the strength of your humility by initiating or actively participating in a good cause.

Excerpt from The Spiritual Guide to Counting the Omer, by Simon Jacobson. ©Copyright The Meaningful Life Center, 2013. All rights reserved.

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Selah

Psalms Chapter 67 תְּהִלִּים

א  לַמְנַצֵּחַ בִּנְגִינֹת, מִזְמוֹר שִׁיר. 1 For the Leader; with string-music. A Psalm, a Song.
ב  אֱלֹהִים, יְחָנֵּנוּ וִיבָרְכֵנוּ;    יָאֵר פָּנָיו אִתָּנוּ סֶלָה. 2 God be gracious unto us, and bless us; may He cause His face to shine toward us; Selah
ג  לָדַעַת בָּאָרֶץ דַּרְכֶּךָ;    בְּכָל-גּוֹיִם, יְשׁוּעָתֶךָ. 3 That Thy way may be known upon earth, Thy salvation among all nations.
ד  יוֹדוּךָ עַמִּים אֱלֹהִים:    יוֹדוּךָ, עַמִּים כֻּלָּם. 4 Let the peoples give thanks unto Thee, O God; let the peoples give thanks unto Thee, all of them.
ה  יִשְׂמְחוּ וִירַנְּנוּ,    לְאֻמִּים:
כִּי-תִשְׁפֹּט עַמִּים מִישֹׁר;    וּלְאֻמִּים, בָּאָרֶץ תַּנְחֵם סֶלָה.
5 O let the nations be glad and sing for joy;
for Thou wilt judge the peoples with equity, and lead the nations upon earth. Selah
ו  יוֹדוּךָ עַמִּים אֱלֹהִים:    יוֹדוּךָ, עַמִּים כֻּלָּם. 6 Let the peoples give thanks unto Thee, O God; let the peoples give thanks unto Thee, all of them.
ז  אֶרֶץ, נָתְנָה יְבוּלָהּ;    יְבָרְכֵנוּ, אֱלֹהִים אֱלֹהֵינוּ. 7 The earth hath yielded her increase; may God, our own God, bless us.
ח  יְבָרְכֵנוּ אֱלֹהִים;    וְיִירְאוּ אוֹתוֹ, כָּל-אַפְסֵי-אָרֶץ. 8 May God bless us; and let all the ends of the earth fear Him.

From Dictionary.com, Selah: “an expression occurring frequently in the [Hebrew] Psalms, thought to be a liturgical or musical direction, probably a direction by the leader to raise the voice or perhaps an indication of a pause.”

“Thought to be” is key, in that it is uncertain (Merriam-Webster), or in grand Wikipedia style,  “a difficult concept to translate.” This Psalms was another piece give to me by Rabbi Pam, in that there are 49 words or phrases, if you count from section 2 on, that match the Counting of the Omer, the days between Passover and Shavu’ot.

So…Selah. An indication of a pause. There has been that indication in my life, a pause, as I move from one aspect of what was a constant in my life to this next phase, this new section to be entered. What it is, I’m just not sure, nor where it will take me, nor will there still be other phases to come. It is difficult to translate, and things are uncertain.

I just don’t like, nor understand, why “…the ends of the earth fear Him.” That is not what I see in all this. There is too much fear already.

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Anyways…

Early on in my writing of this blog, I was given the Inspiring Blog Award as well as an award I just received again (from someone else entirely), the Leibster Blog Award. This time I have been honored by Julia Neiman, who writes the blog Transform For Life. As Julia writes, she sees this as “the Liebster Award, to my way of thinking, is about loving your blog and it being a favorite.  The German word Liebs means love or of love and the word liebste, again in German, means favorite.  So to my nominees, I love your blogs and they are among my favorites.” So, again, thank you Julia.

If you are aware of any of these blog awards, they usually come with a set of “rules” to follow. In this case, the rules are:

  • When you are nominated for the award:
    • You post eleven random facts about yourself
    • You answer eleven questions from the person who nominated you, and
    • Then you pass the award onto eleven other blogs (making sure that you tell them you nominated them) and ask them eleven questions.

Eleven random facts about myself:

I loved spending almost two weeks in Paris, way too long ago; My friends mean the world to me; I found love when I wasn’t looking for it; I enjoy the tv show “Too Cute”; Word games are a passion; So is reading; I believe there is  life out in the universe other than ourselves; that if we could live the lyrics to Imagine we’d be in a better place; I like DC comics more than Marvel, but have enjoyed the Marvel movies; I own a concertina; and music is an important part of my make up.

Julia’s 11 questions:

1.   Are you a new entrepreneur or have you been in business for awhile? I used to have my own theater company, The Brothers Grinn. I founded it and ran it for 12 years.

2.   What is your biggest blogging challenge? Not censoring myself.

3.   What is one goal for your blog?  To help me find myself, reinvent as needed, and if it helps others, then that is a good thing.

4.   If money were no object, what would you do all day long?  I’d travel, first; then most likely write. Volunteer telling stories at children’s wards.

5.   Who is your ideal customer/client?  I don’t have any right now: when performing, adults are preferred right now.

6.   What social media sites are you on aside from Facebook?  LinkedIn, Goodreads, Twitter, a few others.

7.   What is stronger for you, your dream or your doubts?  Depends on the day: I’d rather my dreams carried me along.

8.   What services does your business offer?  Right now, storytelling and Theater Arts workshops (when I freelance)

9.     Do you have a business coach?  Nope

10.   What makes you happiest about your business?  Freedom

11.  What is your biggest guilty pleasure?  “Too Cute” (see above)

So…I will have to think about the 11 I would pass this onto, as well as 11 different questions.

Waiting…

colourful-quotes-waiting-Favim.com-360085Waiting for people to get back to you tries my patience.

I am waiting to hear back from four different job possibilities (one from an interview; three others to do screenings) and it just drives me bonkers. I know my son is waiting to hear back from his Friday in NYC interview from a job he really wants. I’m not calling him/contacting him simply because he, also, is on pins and needles. My friend Kim is waiting to hear back from two different potential positions; Richard waited almost three months (I think) to land a pretty big consulting gig…the list goes on.

If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you know I don’t like platitudes. I’m not one for “well, a better (something) is waiting for you down the road”, no matter how good the intention of the person. For me, looking for full time work since 2010….yeah, I’ve had it with waiting. I need, and deserve, to use my talents and skills, which I have many of, and I need to use them in the now.

I know that I am doing just about all I can. In this job market, and with my age, it makes finding jobs harder. I feel the need/push to create something again, and maybe that is what this is all about, because I’ve been fighting that need. My indecision, and fear, is holding me back, and I’m not sure what is the band-aid and what is the right direction.

I’ve heard “Let go and let God” from some; I wrestle with that concept, not willingly fighting it, just having trouble grasping the whole premise. I know that I wasn’t even looking for a relationship when I discovered one. The duality of waiting and being proactive war inside of me.

Make love, not war.

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A day later…

I find I’m of such mixed emotions, feelings in regards to learning more patience, accepting what is before me. Instead of tearing apart what I wrote above, I’m letting it be, as I try to figure out how to really deal with what is going on. One of the key things that helps is the support I get from loved ones. As always, thanks should be given to them for what they do for me. I know many say, or feel,  I should thank God as well. That is my work in progress.

It seems that that is an ongoing thing; from my perspective, it is what doing the prayers is about. It’s not only when times are tough/horrible, but the every day. I need to remember that.

Needing That Job Recognition

“I really want this job, God; I need this job. Help me, God. Teach me to believe in myself, to see that I am qualified for this position. Calm my fears, God; soothe my nerves. Let me enter this interview with assurance and confidence. Let me speak my mind; let my thoughts flow freely.

Remind me not only to talk but to listen. Show me how to impress without seeming pompous, how to be agreeable without seeming ingratiating, how to be enthusiastic without seeming desperate.

Be with me, God; fill me with strength and faith and light. Let me shine today, God. Amen.”   ~from Talking to God, by Naomi Levy (c)

musicians-looking-for-work

I’ve written out the prayer above for a number of people:

My son came into NYC for an interview: they flew him in after already having an online first interview. He was told that he did well by the people he saw on this trip. If he got the offer it would be great on many levels: for his overall job satisfaction; taking care of a number of financial  hassles; and their moving into the area, being closer (right now they are a 7+ hour drive away). 

I am sending out prayers and wishes for Rich, Jay, Kim, and Sam as they continue/begin their search for new work, ones that are fulfilling and offer them the peace of mind that they deserve. It is hard to look for something new during these times, but when you have to, you have to. *I feel like I am forgetting someone in this, and if so…let this extend to you as well.

As to me, I’ve had another interview, and two calls of interest. The two calls are in my discipline (theater), with the other at least meeting a love I have (of books) in a job I had done part-time before. Making it full time would not be the worst thing in the world.

I just want to not have to worry about paying bills. I’d like something steady, which I never thought I’d say. I thrived, for years, on working piece meal, cobbling an artistic life through performances, workshops, residencies, and the odd part time job. It kept me busy, solvent, and was always challenging. What I’m doing now just isn’t. So…that prayer above:

I do know I’m qualified for the jobs: it is just all the rest. Making sure I do my best on an interview, presenting what I can do in a way that says “you need me on your team!” I’ve been in the top two or three for a number of jobs over the last 8 months: I’m tired of being the also-ran.

It’s time I was the “chosen one.”

If you are looking for a job, I hope this helps you. If you know someone who is desperately seeking, please share it with them if you feel they will benefit from it.

 

Inadvertently Helping Others

helpWhen I began this blog, it was to help myself. It was not a challenge but a goal to feel better, to dig myself out of the despair that resulted from my mother’s death. Her passing went deeper than the loss of a parent: I found one of the roles that I had taken on for a very long time, as caretaker, gone; I was also alone, for the first tme in a very long time; and while working, I did not have a steady income. Add to that all the things I have had to go through in the apartment (and it is still not complete)…

Along the way,  readers  have told me that what I write has been inspiring to them. That does mean a lot to me, even though I may not say it enough here. It’s been told to me via messages left here, or in private communications.

There are many people who do go out of their way to help others, and their deed usually gets some attention. What about when, by doing something, without realizing it, you find that what you’ve done has had a positive effect on another?

Lately I’ve been hearing back from others, about the small things that do matter. I started to make a list of positive things I’ve done without knowing it that has helped someone else. That is not what I want to do here: toot my own horn. I’d really like to know from those who do read this blog:

What have you done, inadvertently, that has lightened someone’s day/journey? What joy have you brought without even realizing you were doing it? It was just inherent, a part of you, you shared or helped or offered…and whatever you did wound up a gift to someone else.

Finding Passover

“Passover has a message for the conscience and the heart of all mankind. For what does it commemorate? It commemorates the deliverance of a people from degrading slavery, from most foul and cruel tyranny. And so, it is Israel’s – nay, God’s protest against unrighteousness, whether individual or national.”
~ Morris Joseph

“Passover affirms the great truth that liberty is the inalienable right of every human being”. – Morris Joseph

passover tat

At this Passover season, I wanted to find more meaning for myself in the holiday, as I did during Chanukah. Again, the Seder used to be conducted solely in Hebrew (first by my Grandfather when I was very little; then, in our home, by my father) and held little to no meaning for me. It was done, and we had to wait for dinner to be served. The meal itself was always anticipated with delight, as it was one of the few times a lot of interesting dishes were made.

But, the ceremony itself? The meaning behind all the words? It was a chore to sit through as a kid and even as an adult.

Then, with my father’s passing, the task of running the Seder fell to me. Since I barely speak any Hebrew, I do it primarily in English, with Hebrew phonetics for the prayers and certain passages. I still remember the songs, and the lilt, the cadence, of the readings, and do my best, at times, to emulate what I do remember.

We used the same Haggadah for years, and the literal translation of the Hebrew text was ponderous. Last year my mother was unable to be with us (she had had an operation and was in a rehab center) and this year she is gone. I have tried two different texts both years, searching for a translation/interpretation, that would bring the spirit of the Seder to life. Both texts offer sections that illuminate, but neither is “just right” yet, in my opinion.

In looking at Passover quotes, I found the two above from a 19th Century Rabbi, Morris Joseph. Those two quotes have helped me, a lot, already. There are many ways that liberty of the individual is still confounded; it is not an ancient concept, the thousands of years ago story that is told during the Seder. Yesterday on Facebook, so many people rallied around issues of equality. It stirred up things on the boards, from both sides of the issue. It also spills over into those around the world who have no freedom, whether it is sex trafficking, child soldiers, fear of reprisals from “gangs” or power groups, or even a people not being allowed their own land: yes, I do believe that Palestinians should be allowed to live in peace, as I do believe Israelis deserve it too.

I’m trying to find my own inner peace  (read HERE for my friend, Lisa Kramer’s, take on Inner Harmony) and I’m trying to understand what I embrace on a deeper level. Passover is one thing that I still need to dig deeper into.

Somone Complained…

earth-2Someone complained about their job
Another about not having  full time work
Another about not getting enough unemployment funds
Another about not getting anything
Another about being evicted
Another about living on the streets
 
Someone complained about being taxed unfairly
Another about making too much to qualify for any assisstance
Another about living off of food stamps
Another about living off of a soup kitchent
Another about begging
 
Someone complained about those looking for a handout
Another about working two or more jobs to make do
Another about having to sell all they own
Or themselves
Another about how many pass them by
 
Someone complained…
 
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What degree of suffering do you experience?

Do you take the knocks at your level and confront them, work to find a positive outcome, or do you just complain about it?

What got me started on this: I was in a location, having my lunch, and a group was sitting three tables away, on the other side of the room, complaining bitterly about their jobs, about that day’s situation, about their bosses…and I was sitting there thinking about everyone who does not have a full time job, who is struggling to pay bills, to survive. Which then got me thinking about people who are even worse off, who-in this country or around the world-have nothing, living in and off the streets. Dying, bit by bit.

What would each of them give to be even at the next level up from where they are?

I then heard a teenage girl state, in response to a boy saying his pants cost $50, that her “cheapest” belt-a belt-cost over $100.00.

Mentally, I shook my head.

Something Soothing

William Ackerman, The Opening of Doors (1992): 6 mins, 13 secs of beautiful music. Mr. Ackerman founded Windham Hill Records in 1976. I still have many records from that label. I Googled the name of this blog, and found that  Mr. Ackerman had an album and lead song with that title, and in listening to it I thought I’d share it, and make it easy to find for myself for times I need something soothing.

Way too many days that I do find I need something soothing. I’d rather want it than need it, but…you do what you can for yourself.