Roller Coaster Days in a Roller Coaster Life

rollercoaster“Why not go out on a limb? Isn’t that where the fun is?” ~Fortune Cookie message

“Necessity is the mother of taking chances.” ~Mark Twain

“Of all that is good, sublimity is supreme. Succeeding is the coming together of all that is beautiful. Furtherance is the agreement of all that is just. Perseverance is the foundation of all actions.”~ Lao Tzu

Like so many, my life has been at times like I was on a roller coaster: moving along, slow at the beginning, then speeding up, heading down at fearful intervals, looping in and around, twisting upside down, sometimes screaming with fear, sometimes with extreme joy. Then it comes back and starts all over again. It’s an emotional journey, and the flat line days are sometimes just as bad. Getting stuck in a rut, unable to find the power to start moving back uphill until something comes along, to push, to surge.

While I am contemplating the thought of forgiveness (for myself, and towards my feelings about my parents, and letting go of past hurts that I carry around way too much), working through the bereavement process, and figuring out who I am at this point in my life, my job situation has never been far from the top of worries.

Yesterday, I was initially turned down for another job I had interviewed for. I wrote, asking for feedback as to why (I had been in for one teaching artist job, winding up being interviewed for three different positions because of my experiences); not hearing back, I called. Four hours later, I get a call for one more reference. Less than a half hour later, I get an email that I am, now, hired to be on their roster. Orientation next Wednesday.

While the end product is great news, it was just an up and down day emotionally (don’t ask about the class I saw that day: the less said, the better).Ā  If I had not written, then called, I am pretty sure the job would have died where it was. If I accepted no feedback from the rejection email, I’d still just be facing the next months as just a substitute teacher as opposed to working within my discipline. As it is, I still don’t know why I was first turned down and then later hired. Crazy making at it’s best.

So, beyond that, which is good news, my days are still going through the mental process of dealing with my life as it is now. I’ve had some very high points, some very low points (really, really low), and too much just coasting along. I am tired of the really, really low points, and the coasting along…it’s not how I want my life to be. I understand the need for complacency and safety for many; just never been part of my make up.

I did pray to God on my way to my morning job. I also prayed after getting the initial rejection, and then again after the phone call I made, and then again later. Did this make a difference? My friend Sam thinks so, as he and my SO put out prayers as well, after hearing about the initial rejection. No matter what, this was answered.

How many times do you just let the “No” stop you from proceeding?

Maybe to open certain doors, we have to knock a lot harder when there is no answer at first.

 

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About StuHN

I am a creative individual with many areas of passion: Professional Storyteller; NYS Certified Drama Specialist/Educator; Professional Development Coordinator & Facilitator; Workshop Leader; sometime Puppeteer; Playwright; Director; Performer; Teaching Artist; and sometimes more.

Posted on March 8, 2013, in Anger, Caring, counseling, Despair, Fear, Friends, Healing, Inspiration, Love, Meditations, Mindfulness, Prayers, Spiritual, Support, Therapy, Transformation, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. First off…whohoo! Congrats on the job Stuart! That is wonderful news.
    Second that tiny word “no” gets us stuck in so many ways doesn’t it? We can say it or it can be said to us. Look at you stepping into your power and going after it. Time for a happy dance I should think! šŸ™‚

  2. I’m one of those who enjoys complacency šŸ™‚ Maybe God did lend a hand. Or the extra job reference was a good one and a tipping point. Or they decided that if you made the effort, called them back and asked for feedback, maybe that’s the sort of person they want on board after all. It’s frustrating that there are so many intangibles when it comes to getting hired, but I agree with Bonnie – WOOHOO!

  3. Congratulations Stuart! I am so pleased for you! I can only tell you what happened to me when I set up my business. Two banks said no. The third try was the good one. I haven’t looked back ever since.

    • Thanks Muriel. it’s still not a full time job, but it will let me work a few more days doing theater related work as opposed to just subbing. Still looking for the right place.

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