Coping Skills

479749_544345748932209_1576710412_nIn seeing one of the people I am using as part of my support, I was told that I have “amazing coping skills.” This has sat with me since yesterday, rolling around in my mind, trying to get into the compliment. This has been part of my nature lately: not truly taking in the compliments others have bestowed upon me in my effort to feeling better. I’m not deliberately blocking them consciously. I do understand that the emotional turmoil I’ve faced and am still tackling can easily get in the way.

Yesterday I wrote about feeling, at times in my life, like an utter failure. I’ve failed AT things or WITH people, and that is part of life, I get that. I’ve also had a number of positive things, successes that have sustained me. What is the measure of success? I never really needed, nor wanted, my name in lights or be “the next big thing.” There are many, many small successes that are infinitely satisfying.  I’ve experienced them.

I want to experience more of the same, and be able to cope with the things that don’t happen, or don’t end up the way I wish they would.
The biggest coping skill I can share, and I have done so on numerous times here, is to really appreciate and hold onto the friends and loved ones who support me in so many ways. The majority of these are not blood relatives, but the ones I hold dear. As I’ve mentioned in the past, there are those who I know face-to-face, and there are those who have reached out across the internet with their support and caring. Many who I do know on a more personal basis I rarely, if ever, hear from them. Same with family members. I do not wish them ill or harbor any anger, but it is sad, in a way, but…it is what it is. I do know that if they were in need, I’d do the best I could, if I could, to help them. It shouldn’t be about what you get in return. It’s how I am, what makes me, me.

One internet supporter, Bonnie Copeland, writes on her blog My Rivendell: Your Fabulous Living Coach. Her post today, “Strength? Perhaps it’s not what you think” is worth reading. I agree with it, and trying to live to those principles is part of what I know has been inside me, and I hope to keep striving to make myself find more of my inner strength, part of my coping skills.

What are your coping skills?

“All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reason, passion, and desire.

It is possible to fail in many ways…while to succeed is possible only in one way. 

In poverty and other misfortunes of life, true friends are a sure refuge. The young they keep out of mischief; to the old they are an aid and a comfort in their weakness, and those in the prime of life they incite to noble deeds.

You will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor.

We are what we repeatedly do, excellence then is not an act but a habit.”  ~Aristotle


About StuHN

I am a creative individual with many areas of passion: Professional Storyteller; NYS Certified Drama Specialist/Educator; Professional Development Coordinator & Facilitator; Workshop Leader; sometime Puppeteer; Playwright; Director; Performer; Teaching Artist; and sometimes more.

Posted on February 5, 2013, in Caring, counseling, Despair, Family, Friends, Grief, Healing, Inspiration, Love, Mindfulness, Support, Therapy, Transformation and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. Lately I haven’t been coping, I’ve just been coasting. I seem to have lost my coping skills, but I intend to find them again soon.

    • You haven’t lost them: they are just submerged underneath the weight of all you are experiencing. I felt that/still feel that way too. We are way too alike.

  2. An excellent, thought-provoking post. And I mean that – don’t discount the compliment! I have been in a coping mode since my Mom, and best friend my entire life, passed away on Dec. 15th. My coping skills come from Christ alone. Without Him I would be shriveling up in a corner. Also, my husband has been a huge means of support as well as my siblings and close friends. It’s in times like these when I realize what a gift they all are to me. I miss my Mom terribly. But what she taught me in life is what I’ll carry with me to my dying breath. Life is brief. but love is forever. I’m grateful for the love I’ve been given. Now it’s my responsibility to give it away.

    • First, my condolences, Debi. My mother passed on Oct 14th, suddenly, and that was the start of my slide. I understand what you mean by what you’d feel like without your hubby. If I didn’t have my SO, I don’t know where I’d be. Thank you for the compliment. I do take them…it is just that sometimes, it doesn’t reach inside of me. Thank you for reading, and commenting…and give a big hug to your husband and friends.

  3. Stuart, First I am so grateful for the mention. Thank you!
    You know when something happens to shake up your world things eventually settle back down though often not into the same place. Your coping skill of using gratitude is a very powerful one. It is also my way of coping when things don’t appear to be going my way.
    Just remember that every little tiny movement towards being able to shine your inner light is a positive one. Some are very small but they add up. Blessings

  4. I like the quote…”Excellence is not an act but a habit.” I also agree with Bonnie that all the small things DO add up. You touch hundreds of people through this blog…you never know how far your influence will go.

    • Janette, as I’ve mentioned before, the numbers on the side bar are not real numbers: they are only potential. WordPress takes the actual number of those who subscribe to the blog (24) and adds them to people I’m connected with on both Twitter and Facebook. When I checked my stats at 2:15pm EST, only 17 people have read today’s post (more, most likely, since if they get it in an email they may not necessarily come to the page).

      So…not hundreds. I’m ok with who it does reach, and who it does touch. If what I write helps someone, then I am, as Bonnie left me in her note, blessed.

  5. I disagree, Stuart. (Moi?) But, only because successful is too often misinterpreted.
    We desperately need successful people. People who can successfully keep their families intact, when the world about them is falling apart. People who successfully raise well adjusted kids, in spite of the cacophony of (bad) instructions that abound. People who successfully mentor others to reach their pinnacles- often at the expense of those mentors not having their own names in lights, while their mentees get the accolades…
    Oh, no, Stuart, I won’t accept a world without successful people.
    (Of course, Romney may be successful among the 0.1% of the unfeeling, but he certainly failed more than 47% of the Americans he wrote off, knowing nothing- or, at best, very little about them.)

    • Roy, actually…I think you are defining some of the other parts of success. The way I took it, those who see success ARE the Romney and his ilk: a very different view of what is considered success. What I’ve felt as success, and what you’ve pointed out, wouldn’t cut it with those who view success on a much larger scale.

      I don’t need the Daffy Duck “I’m rich I’m rich…I’ll own a mansion and a yacht” to be a success. But, all the other stuff you mentioned? Yeah..that’s the success that needs to redefined, so that there are much more attainable and realistic success goals.

  6. Success is in all the lives you’ve touch and the relationships you’ve built on the journey. Let them sustain you when you’re feeling low. And taking a compliment is hard, but all the people around you give them sincerely.

    • It’s not the taking of it that has been hard…it’s actually feeling something from it, letting it sink in and really touch me. That has been the hardest, these last months

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