“You must pass your days in song. Let your whole life be a song.”
Three and a half months have passed since my life was thrown into a
Topsy-Turfy whirlwind. It seems so much longer, that time has stretched out in so many ways, and in others it has just flown by. I know I’ve accomplished a lot during this time period; I also know I still have a lot more to accomplish in the months ahead.
When I think of all that I need to do, I get overwhelmed. I’ve said that often, and it held true this past weekend. Cleaning out my mothers clothing was one job: it will be picked up by this weekend to help homeless women. It feels good to do that, but it is also something of a loss, too. I know I’m not throwing her away: her life is still around me, in the things I will be keeping (pictures, writing, a small amount of assorted doodads), in just the general way some members of family who remember her with fondness.
Then there is the business of getting myself stronger, which I work at daily, on both the emotional and spiritual level. I am glad that the Rabbi will be back soon from her sojourn: I have some things I need to discuss with her, gain some of her insight, have her challenge me with her questions. It is something I never thought I would do, nor look for, nor look forward to.
As to the title of this post: I plan to write a declaration of my life, figuring out who I am and who I want to really be as I continue on. I have not always had that answer for myself, and I’ve lost sight of me too many times over the years. I really lost myself on October 14th. There are many people who care about me, support me at the times I am most lost, and funny thing…they are around for the stronger me times as well. If you’ve been reading along, you know they are not in close proximity: the closest anyone I care about is over an hour away (friends and family). That alone makes things hard.
I’m doing my best to realize I have to be content with myself, care about myself, love myself, to be then able to share that with those others who care. It’s the first Declaration of My Life.
What is yours?