Taking Risks

BraveStarting this blog was taking a risk. Not everyone can find it in themselves to be blatantly honest in an open forum. I have tried not to edit or censor myself in what I write here, in a place anyone on the internet can find. For the times I really have to vent, I have a private journal for those thoughts. Some things do need to remain private. Let’s leave it at that.

What you are reading are my feelings, what I’m hoping to find in myself and in others with their sharing. You’ve been reading of my fears and anxiety, and my digging myself out of those debilitating things. I am feeling better, but I know I still have a ways to go.

I am looking for hope, for joy to renter my life,  not just for fleeting moments or short periods of time, but to last longer. To reclaim what I feel I pushed aside, or was pushed aside, during my period of emotional crisis. That crisis is still not totally gone: my ongoing goal is to keep fighting it, not letting it overtake me like it has, to try to embrace the positive instead of the negatives, and just live healthier in so many ways. Some days are better than others.

I don’t measure a man’s success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom.”
~George S. Patton

I’ve hit bottom a couple of times in my life. I’ve bounced back before, and I do hope to do so again. This is where the taking risks also comes into play, as I start really contemplating the thought of creating my own thing again, as I did with the theater company I created in 1994. I have to put a lot of thought into this: others have been “pushing” that idea onto me for the last month or so, and I it has been something that has been floating around me for awhile. I’m not sure if I’ll go through with it, or in what configuration, but the thought process has been started.

Risky? Yes, now even more so. Scary? Of course it is. I’m meeting with someone in a similar position (working on his own freelance) to brainstorm. Another online friend is contemplating the same thing, as she is going through a  major frustration/UN-fulfillment phase herself.  Time will tell what I’ll do.

The lion pic, btw, was sent to me by the person I mentioned the other day in my I See Good People post. Today I found another email awaiting, with the above picture/saying, and this message:

“I believe the progress you’ve made warrants the Heart of a Lion Award.”

There is no such award, of course, but if there was, I’d wear it proudly, to honor the one who bestowed it upon me, as well as for myself and my loved ones. So, thank you, Masked Stranger.

Do you deserve the Heart of a Lion Award?

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About StuHN

I am a creative individual with many areas of passion: Professional Storyteller; NYS Certified Drama Specialist/Educator; Professional Development Coordinator & Facilitator; Workshop Leader; sometime Puppeteer; Playwright; Director; Performer; Teaching Artist; and sometimes more.

Posted on January 23, 2013, in Caring, counseling, Family, Fear, Friends, Healing, Inspiration, Love, Meditations, Mindfulness, Prayers, Spiritual, Support, Therapy, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. No Lion award for me – I’m a sheep in wolf’s clothing 🙂 If I was any good at graphics, I’d create a badge and award it to you and your friend!

  2. Sometimes I wish I truly had the heart of a lion. Some days I do, others not so much. Sigh. I think your honesty is valuable for so many reasons.

  3. Stuart, your blog is precious and I believe will make a difference in not only your life but someone elses. I think you do have some amazing courage to not only stand and fight for the life you deserve but to be vulnerable in your sharing of the fight. I wonder when you realized that this vulnerability is really part of your gift and strength? xoxo

    • Bonnie, honestly, I don’t know if I ever had. I hid a lot of it in the fiction I write, as I’m sure many writers do-it’s hard not to put yourself into things, to invest part of yourself that way. Here…I will have to mull this over. Thank you.

  4. Felt good.
    -Portia

  5. Sometimes I wish I had the courage and pride of a lion. Sigh.

  6. I’m a total Lion when it comes to my son. Or as my husband calls it…. Momma Bear 🙂

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