Starting this blog was taking a risk. Not everyone can find it in themselves to be blatantly honest in an open forum. I have tried not to edit or censor myself in what I write here, in a place anyone on the internet can find. For the times I really have to vent, I have a private journal for those thoughts. Some things do need to remain private. Let’s leave it at that.
What you are reading are my feelings, what I’m hoping to find in myself and in others with their sharing. You’ve been reading of my fears and anxiety, and my digging myself out of those debilitating things. I am feeling better, but I know I still have a ways to go.
I am looking for hope, for joy to renter my life, not just for fleeting moments or short periods of time, but to last longer. To reclaim what I feel I pushed aside, or was pushed aside, during my period of emotional crisis. That crisis is still not totally gone: my ongoing goal is to keep fighting it, not letting it overtake me like it has, to try to embrace the positive instead of the negatives, and just live healthier in so many ways. Some days are better than others.
“I don’t measure a man’s success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom.”
~George S. Patton
I’ve hit bottom a couple of times in my life. I’ve bounced back before, and I do hope to do so again. This is where the taking risks also comes into play, as I start really contemplating the thought of creating my own thing again, as I did with the theater company I created in 1994. I have to put a lot of thought into this: others have been “pushing” that idea onto me for the last month or so, and I it has been something that has been floating around me for awhile. I’m not sure if I’ll go through with it, or in what configuration, but the thought process has been started.
Risky? Yes, now even more so. Scary? Of course it is. I’m meeting with someone in a similar position (working on his own freelance) to brainstorm. Another online friend is contemplating the same thing, as she is going through a major frustration/UN-fulfillment phase herself. Time will tell what I’ll do.
The lion pic, btw, was sent to me by the person I mentioned the other day in my I See Good People post. Today I found another email awaiting, with the above picture/saying, and this message:
“I believe the progress you’ve made warrants the Heart of a Lion Award.”
There is no such award, of course, but if there was, I’d wear it proudly, to honor the one who bestowed it upon me, as well as for myself and my loved ones. So, thank you, Masked Stranger.
Do you deserve the Heart of a Lion Award?
Posted on January 23, 2013, in Caring, counseling, Family, Fear, Friends, Healing, Inspiration, Love, Meditations, Mindfulness, Prayers, Spiritual, Support, Therapy, Uncategorized and tagged anxiety, awards, bravery, caring, compassion, coping, courage, depression, focus, freelance, giving thanks, God, hope, jobless, jobs, love, patience, rededication, risks, searching for work, self employed, strength, taking risks, Talking to God, unempolyment. Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.