Downs and Ups
“Breathing in, I calm body and mind. Breathing out, I smile. Dwelling in the present moment I know this is the only moment.” “Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness.” “People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
Had a bad night; woke up at 4am, something went wonky, set my mind at a million wonky anxiety things a second; took something for it. Then, trying to fall asleep again after being up for over an hour, had an anxiety laden dream. Nightmare. Whatever it was, this morning is the antithesis of how I’ve been feeling the last couple of days.
I am tired-so tired-of feeling like this. It has been a really pleasant couple of days (yeah, there were moments, but they were pushed aside and I dealt with them after a bit). This morning…not so easy. I’m tense, stressed out, and have a monster of a headache. It’s supposed to be nasty out, so it is a pj day (which, at this moment, sounds like the best thing).
Said my morning prayers (Thank you, again, Rabbi Pam…and thanks to Naomi Levy) with my SO, which always helps. Will def do some of the online Mindful Meditation, and try to readjust my thinking. That’s what it is: I get to that point that I start beating myself up over things I know I have no control over.
One thing I have to deal with is feeling like a failure. That comes out of my mouth too often. The psychiatrist wanted to know is that how I feel just now, or something that has deeper roots; it’s deeper, and I have to really start addressing that feeling and its history in me.
I don’t prefer suffering, but I do have a hard time letting go.
“Be with me God. I feel so lost. I can’t seem to escape the dark cloud that is hanging over me (today). Help me, God. Give me strength to combat despair and fear. Show me how to put my pain into perspective. Teach me to have faith in the new day that is coming. Thank You, God, for today’s blessings, for tomorrow’s hope, and for Your abiding love. Amen.”
Posted on December 27, 2012, in Caring, Counsling, Family, Fear, Grief, Healing, Inspiration, Love, Meditations, Mindfulness, Prayers, Spiritual, Support, Therapy and tagged anxiety, Bad Dreams, Bad Night, being in the moment, breathing, compassion, concern, coping, Counsling, depression, Fear, frightened, God, hope, jobless, jobs, Letting Go, mental health, Money, Naomi Levy, Nightmare, patience, Rabbi Pam Wax, strength, suffering, Talking to God, Thich Nhat Hanh, unempolyment. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.