Of Camels, Communication and Care Taking

“When I am lost, help me, God, to find my way. When I am hurt, shelter me with Your loving presence. When my faith falters, show me that You are near. When I cry out against You, accept my protest, God, as a prayer too. As a call for You to rid this world of all pain and tragedy. Until that day, give me the will to rebuild my life in spite of my suffering…Amen.”
~ Talking to God by Naomi Levey (c)
 

During this month, communications with others has been key to my mental health, a positive source. The internet and phones (cell or land line) have kept me in touch with others, not feeling so lonely. Yes, there are times not having someone around to take care of is utterly lonely. I find myself wandering around, not really settled. This is the first time I’ve gone someplace and not had to check in with anyone, to see if they are ok, if they are eating, etc.

Skype, Facebook, cell phones, emails: all are important to  how I’m trying to cope. It’s not always easy: I’d almost always rather be somewhere else than in the apartment. I reach out, and, thankfully, others have reached out to me as well. It’s not as one sided as I used to feel.

Someone surprised me with a very unexpected gift (a gift card) and then with words why it was given. The why is so much more important, and I can not tell you how humbled I felt, how bereft of words I was at this act of kindness. Others have left me with great gifts of their support and care, and again…that is what has been really needed. It’s good karma, a Mitzvah, a good deed…whatever you want to call it…I thank one and all for what you’ve done.

“Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.”
— Emory Austin

“God gave burdens, he also gave shoulders.”
— Yiddish Proverbs

I’ve lived the role of care taker for many years: first, with my children; then when my father got very ill; and after his passing, with my mother. With her passing, a role I’ve had now since I was 24 years old is no longer part of my life…except it is, but in a different way: care taker for myself. The one person I pretty much put in the background, the one who I took care of only on the periphery. I can’t say I was a total drudge and had no fun for myself, for that would be a total lie.

But…in REALLY taking care of myself, treating myself well, loving myself…not really. That has been brought up to me often enough now in these last few months, and part of my healing process is dedicated to trying to do those positive things. I have an amazing woman by my side, and some amazing friends and family, and a circle of caring internet friends…they all help. It does need to start with me; not narcissistically, but for a healthier me in body and spirit. It’s communicating with myself too; the prayers help; the meditation helps; giving myself a breather helps.

CamelAs to the camel; I went to a Christmas pageant on Christmas Eve (no, I’m not converting: this was with my SO, and the pageant was cute with kids in costumes, their choral singing, etc). The (out of focus) camel captivated me, and I know for the hour or so I was in the service, I was outside of myself and observing, listening, and finding my own meditations and prayers.

It was good to sit with so many people, hearing them laugh, seeing them smile, with the simplicity and care for their children.

It’s always a good afternoon when you spend some time with a camel. 🙂

“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you; they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.”
— Bernice Johnson Reagon

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About StuHN

I am a creative individual with many areas of passion: Professional Storyteller; NYS Certified Drama Specialist/Educator; Professional Development Coordinator & Facilitator; Workshop Leader; sometime Puppeteer; Playwright; Director; Performer; Teaching Artist; and sometimes more.

Posted on December 26, 2012, in Caring, Counsling, Family, Friends, Healing, Inspiration, Loneliness, Love, Meditations, Mindfulness, Prayers, Spiritual, Support and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. The Golden Eagle

    It sounds like things are getting better for you. I hope you continue to heal!

    Love the camel picture.

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