I Get By With A Little Help…

“It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.” ~ Kathy Kane Hansen

heartopenI am sure, but I hope I’m wrong, that we have blood relatives that are practically strangers to us. That there are people who you’ve gathered to you, or have taken you into their arms, that are more of the family that you’ve wished for, hoped for, dreamed for. Luckily, I do have an extended family that does include some blood relatives who do care, with a much larger circle that, while not related through birth, mean everything to me, my brothers and sisters, who have been by my side for years.

Some have come and gone, some have reentered my life, and for each and every one, I feel thanks.  There are some who are gone from my life, for one reason or the other (some in finality) who I miss terribly. I know I cherish those who are here, now, and hope they will remain alongside me for quite a time to come.

I also know they are not the ones who can “save” me. They can offer support in so many different ways (physical hugs are among the best, but I have to make do with the mental ones for the most part), and in the end…it is all up to me. This group that I do call family means a lot to me, and I’m glad and lucky they are in my life.


Seeing a psychiatrist yesterday for the first time (with her), she listened-a really good listener- and said what others have said to me in so many ways, so many times: that I have to open myself up to the positive things that I have and the people are around me, who believe in me, who accept the me I am and the better me that I can be. I need to accept myself, forget the past mistakes, work through my history and start moving forward, that I should be proud of my not sitting still but doing all I can to pull myself out of the pit I’ve felt myself in. So…I am trying. I hear it enough. Hit me in the head long enough and I might start getting it.

“My enemy said to me, ‘Love your enemy.’ And I obeyed him and loved myself.” – Kahlil Gibran

“Teach me how to love myself, God. I am so critical of myself. I set such high standards for myself…I am unforgiving of myself. Help me, God. Teach me how to enjoy my life. Remind me to be kind to myself. Show me how to embrace the person I am. Lead me to appreciate all the miracles that surround me each day. Soften my heart, God; open my eyes. Fill me with the capacity to treasure my life. Thank You, God, for creating me as I am. Amen.”

from Talking to God by Naomi Levey (c)


About StuHN

I am a creative individual with many areas of passion: Professional Storyteller; NYS Certified Drama Specialist/Educator; Professional Development Coordinator & Facilitator; Workshop Leader; sometime Puppeteer; Playwright; Director; Performer; Teaching Artist; and sometimes more.

Posted on December 22, 2012, in Caring, Counsling, Family, Friends, Healing, Inspiration, Loneliness, Love, Meditations, Mindfulness, Prayers, Spiritual, Support, Therapy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. Hi Stuart

    I’m so glad that you are reaching out for support in any way that you can. That is the sign of a strong person.
    I have learned over the years that family is not always those who are related by blood to you. It is those who care and stand by you and lift you up when you have fallen down.
    I have had people tell me to forget past mistakes as well. I think first though you need to forgive yourself and trust that every mistake has taught you something that allows you to be better than yesterday. Loving myself is probably the hardest lesson I have ever learned and possibly the most important. It’s a journey of exploration Stuart.

    • Bonnie…it’s not so much forgetting as not letting myself relive them, taking punishment for what is past, but learning whatever was learned from it, and moving on. I have the habit of dredging up past hurts/slights/mistakes, and giving them too much power over me. That is something I still struggle with, as part of what makes me me. Thanks for the support YOU give.

  2. Coming from a dysfunctional family, I learned long ago to surround myself with folks who could serve as my surrogate relatives. And, I’ve been honored to have these folks in my circle. (These are different from my boards of advisors!)
    They have made my life feel whole; i hope I’ve provided the same love, affection, and conversation for them.
    I am so glad you’ve learned to find those folks who can keep you on an even keel- even when the ship seems to be swallowing water, listing to the side precariously, or even just sailing smoothly. May your ship of state provide you with a happy state of being.

    • Roy, I’ve had a group of people like that in my life for a very long time: the majority of those I call my family (beyond my kids and the few cousins I have who DO care) are the ones I made primarily in HS and first year in college. One or two others have been placed in my life along the way, but these are the bonds that mean the most.

      I’m glad you’ve had your share as well, and I do thank you for being a new part of this “circle”.

  3. Love the Gibran quote. And as someone(?) once said, “we are our own worst enemy”. 🙂

    • I’m trying not to be, Li. I’ve loved Gibran since I read The Prophet in High School, all those years ago. A good friend posted this quote on FB, and the timing was perfect for today’s post.

  4. I am glad that you manage to have people who can support you. Hang in there, Stuart!

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