The Need To Combat Envy
Last night I sat in the Old Dutch Church in Sleepy Hollow, watching a friend storyteller give a masterful performance of “A Christmas Carol.” Jonathan Kruk, who was named “Best Storyteller in the Hudson Valley” by Westchester Magazine, gave a brilliant (and yes, I told him that) performance. He is performing this again on December 8, 15 & 22, so if you live in or around Westchester, NY, you’ll have an amazing experience. For full information, click HERE.
The envy part, the reason for this posting?
I wished it was me up there.
I do not, in any way, shape or form, have wished any less for Jonathan, but…I wish I had been enthralling that audience. Not doing the same show: its Jonathan’s, and I do wish him nothing but the success he deserves.
But, when a friend tells me he and the Mrs. are taking a trip , or I hear of someone having no problem plunking down hundreds or thousands of dollars on presents or just plain anything…or even telling me they had a nice time at home with their spouse…
I wish it was me. Not sitting here alone. Not fearing if I’ll get this job or not. Not upset that I can’t give celebrate the upcoming holidays the way I wish.
Wishing I could just relax and let some of this tension go, let the envy go. I do not wish anything negative against anyone else. As the prayer states, I want to rejoice and share in their happiness and pleasure, and to suppress the pain I’m feeling and not make it all about me.
This was a hard one to write. I don’t want a lot. I just want to be able to relax a bit and breathe.
I have so many in my life who tell me of my worth, what I have to offer, what I do offer them, and I do take them to heart. Just not all the time…just not enough, yet.
Envy is a horrible thing.
One last thing: his performance brought me joy, smiles, laughter, and it took me beyond myself for that hour+, as well as the time reflecting on it and sharing it with Lisa, on Facebook, and now here with you. For that, I give thanks to Jonathan and all else involved in the production.
Posted on December 2, 2012, in Caring, Family, Fear, Grief, Healing, Inspiration, Loneliness, Love, Mindfulness, Prayers, Support and tagged A Christmas Carol, Acting, caring, Christmas, compassion, concern, coping, depression, envy, frightened, God, hope, jobless, Jonathan Kruk, Loneliness, love, Old Dutch Church, One Man Show, Performances, Storytelling, strength, understanding, Westchester NY. Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.